I have mono.

So these days I’ve been sleeping instead of blogging.

I hope I can be forgiven.

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If you want to head right to the hilarity, skip to the middle.

Also, hooray for the CA Supreme Court.

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Also, I finally bought new shoes. But in order to make myself feel better, I got a different color. This way, I don’t feel nearly as unfaithful.

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She is a woman of many talents, but I think we all know that this video showcases the highlight of her career:

I love the Star Wars Holiday Special more than words can say.

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Please don’t make it to the World Series this year.

Don’t get me wrong. I like you, Cubs. I really do. You are tied with the Mets to be my NL favorites. You may even be beating them a little bit, just because I live in your fan zone and can see your games on television all the time. I’m going to see you play on Tuesday, and I will be cheering for you the whole time.

But here’s the thing. I need you not to make it to the World Series.

Next fall, I’m stage managing a show whose title I can’t say on the internet because of dumb legal and licensing reasons - but I will say that the tagline may or may not rhyme with “the screamin’ arbor of sweet feet” - and it opens on Halloween. Halloween is probably going to be right in the middle of the World Series. And if you make the Series, dear Cubs, nobody is going to come to our show.

When the Red Sox aren’t playing, I will be behind you all the way until October, dear Cubs. I am behind you until Game 7 of the NLCS, should you get there, knock on wood, at which point, I will have to cheer for your opponents, whoever they may be.

I hope you understand. Can we still be friends?

Sincerely,
Abby

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Dear Chicago White Sox,

I don’t even have to ask.

Go Red Sox,
Abby

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When I went to West Marine and bought my Top-Siders some time in… 2005, it must have been, they looked like this:

Boring, brown, leather. Pretty standard, really.

I bought them mainly because my parents had at the time a Thing against being barefoot on boats, so I figured I’d let them buy me these shoes and we’d match when we were sailing and I’d leave them on the boat and never think of them again.

So I did that for a few months, until the end of one particular sailing expedition. I accidentally wore them back to school, or packed them, or something, and so they ended up in my closet for whatever reason. And there they sat until I had an important realization. I said to myself, “Self,” I said, “if you wear those, you don’t have to bother to put on socks, but you’ll still be in dress code.”

And thus began a long and blissful relationship.

A few days after I started wearing them, I took out the laces. They were dumb and leather and didn’t stay tied, and the shoes stayed on just fine without them. I wore them at least three times a week all through the rest of high school. When I got to college, laundry started costing money, and I started looking for ways to conserve clean socks, and I started wearing my trusty topsiders all day, every day. They now look like this:

Still boring, still brown, still leather; no longer at all standard.

New features to note:

• Gaping hole in the right shoe. The thread frayed and pulled through the leather. I had to knot it to keep it from pulling any further through.
• New “laces”. Made of tieline from the light shop. I broke these in so far that they were no longer staying tight enough without laces.
• Paint splotches. I worked in the paint shop last fall and gave up on trying to remember to put on my official Paint Shoes in the morning, and decided just to let these guys get a little painty.
• General splotchy discoloration. They’re that old.
• Hole in sole of left shoe (not pictured). Right in the heel. Awesome.
• General trend of leather and sole alike to lean towards the outstep (not pictured). Apparently, I walk on the outsides of my heels! Who knew?

Fine. You get the point: my shoes are old. But here’s the thing: today, I went to the shoe store and tried to buy another pair. I had the exact same shoes, in the same size, in my hands, in line for the register, and I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t! The little men in my head kept telling me I had at least another year left in my current shoes. Their opponents pointed out that I can no longer wear these out to nice places, and that they now have to be paint/build/work shoes.

But I don’t care. I’m not replacing them until they fall apart in the middle of Sheridan Road.

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On the phone with Juli the other morning:

JPM: Any news on Mr. Gowan?
ATM: Yeah, he died yesterday morning.
JPM: He what?
ATM: Died. He died.
JPM: I didn’t hear you, he did what?
ATM: He died. Ceased to live.
JPM: … what?
ATM: HIS LIFE A SPLODE.
JPM: OHHH. Why didn’t you SAY so?!

I repeat: I have the biggest idiots for friends.
(For background on things a sploding, play this game.)

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In other news, the earth in Illinois quaked this morning, and I am super proud and excited to say that I FELT IT! I was lying awake in my bed and suddenly became aware that I was rocking back and forth a little. I was all, “naw, that couldn’t have been an earthquake, I’m just dumb,” but then I got up and Googled it and found lots of news results about it. And I was all, “BITCHIN’. My first earthquake.”

The epicenter was way far down in southern Illinois, apparently, so while it was around a 5 on the Richter scale down there, it was more of a NOTHING up here. I think what I felt was an aftershock, too.

But still, it was my first earthquake, and I’m kind of excited about it.

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